Wednesday, July 1, 2009

It Is Well...

....with my soul, that is. But that's about all; everything else seems to be a mess. Okay, I'm overstating things a bit, but this has been one of the most, if not the most, emotionally exhausting days since AP's birth. I got a pretty distraught phone call from my sister this morning, had a somewhat discouraging visit to the pediatrician, and struggled more with the "decision" I promised to post about soon. Isn't it neat, though, how the Lord knows exactly what we need when we need it?

Okay, so about the trip to the doctor....first let me make it clear that I still adore our sweet pediatrician, Dr. Denney. He is absolutely the most caring man, and nothing has changed my opinion on that. However, today's visit was defiantly a frustrating one. We were just going in for a weight check (he asked us to come back before Ann Peyton's 4 month appointment to have her weighed since she was so tiny at her last appointment). Anyway, the nurse weighed her and....she defiantly only weighs a little over 9 lbs (3rd percentile). I had really wanted it to be over ten and I seriously thought it would be. I mean, she's perfectly healthy, but the time has really come to be out of the weight class of an average to large newborn. So, I was disappointed to say the least. I thought I had been doing a good job of waking her up during the day to eat (she doesn't cry unless she's really hungry), but somedays she would only get 5 feedings (6-8 is average).

Anyway, the nurse (not Dr. Denney's main nurse) came out and handed me some formula and told me that he suggested we try supplementing one bottle a day. I just burst into tears! I don't know why I'm so against it, but I REALLY did not want to start supplementing, especially not on such a consistent, day to day, basis. She wasn't rude, but kind of in a hurry and was like "it'll be okay" and left. Peyton and I (thank goodness he was there) took her outside and talked. Then we went back in and talked to Dr. Denney's main nurse (who I adore--even more so after today). She told me she completely understood and it would be fine to keep BF exclusively , but basically it was going to be ALOT more work on my part. Long story short...she needs to eat every TWO HOURS , except at night and then I get up with her once during an eight hour period. She hasn't eaten that much since we left the hospital! And just when we were getting good at sleeping through the night! Anyway, like I said I don't know why I'm so die-hard about not supplementing. I think part of it is that I just get hooked on something and want to prove that I can do it.

When we go back in two weeks, if she hasn't made significant gains, obviously I'll do whatever Dr. Denney thinks we need to do; I'm not going to compromise my daughter's health trying to prove something. I just feel like formula is another one of those things that is just way overused, or people end up using because they don't want to do the real work or they think breastfeeding is gross/will mess up their boobs, ect. (read: I'm not talking about a bottle or two here or there and obviously if you aren't producing enough milk, there's nothing you can do). Also, let me say that if I was working, even part time, I don't know that this would be entirely possible. But since I am staying home, I don't want to take the easy way out. And since you can start cereal/solids at four to six months (I'm assuming Dr. Denney will want to start at four since she is so little), this won't be forever.

But then tonight, I went over to Morgan's house for a Bible study and I felt like God showed me several things directly and indirectly through the study. Seriously, I could (and probably will) do a whole post about the Bible study; it was so great! But here are the highlights:
  • Life Priciple: "Can I say what I am saying, calling on the name of Jesus? Can I do what I am doing, asking for Jesus' help?"......how convicting!
  • We talked about family relationships. I thought about how I used to listen to "Family Life Today" podcasts in high school and college and how that was kind of weird that I was listening to this show about marriage/family. But I'm so glad I did, b/c now, you know with breast feeding every two hours, who has time for podcasts? I had no idea I'd have a family so early BUT GOD DID and I learned so much listening to those programs
  • I never had REALLY close girlfriends in college until about halfway through college. I remember praying saying "God, you have given me a husband, please give me bridesmaids" (not because I wanted bridesmaids, but I knew I needed those friendships). Well, he provided me with some AMAZING friends, who I still cherish, but none of them are at the stage of life I am right now. I have been praying a similar prayer lately and God has given me several close friends who are doing exactly what I am doing (staying at home and being a mommy) and a few other acquaintances that I believe have the potential to develop into friendships. He is so good.
Peyton cooked supper tonight and we listened to Dixie and some patriotic songs. I told him I wondered what emotional effect Dixie would have had on me had I actually attended Ole Miss, since the song basically brings me to tears every time I hear it. We also listened to Battle Hymn of the Republic and it reminded me so much of my childhood when my mom would play it on the piano and Cookie and I would march around the living room (I think I'm going to start doing Flashback Fridays and posting memories, as well as pictures). I love how music has so much power! We sang "Be Thou My Vision" last Sunday at church and it was so powerful, I had to get AP out of her carrier, even though she was sound asleep. I just had to pick her up so she could be part of the worship).

Okay, so sorry for the INSANE length of this post....let me just end with a few prayer requests. I know that the majority of people who read my blog are Christians and most of you are the praying type so if it isn't to much trouble....
1. Keep praying for the upcoming "decision"; I promise I'll let you know when I can (and it's nothing kid related, don't worry)
2. Please pray about the situation with Annie's weight. And just for peace for me. I know there are much bigger issues in life, and I won't fall apart if we do have to supplement, so please don't tell me to get a grip.
3. Pray for my little sister. I want to protect her privacy, but she was already in a far away place, really homesick, and now something really hard has happened and she is just really broken hearted right now

Love to all.....especially those that made it to the bottom of this redic post!

Ann Peyton channeling Elvis

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