Wednesday, August 19, 2009

To Everything There Is a Season

I'm one of those people that really doesn't have a favorite season. I adore summer, until it gets too hot; then I crave fall. I enjoy fall, but then I'm ready for Christmas. Winter is fun, but by the time Christmas is over, the chill factor is getting old. Spring is lovely, until all the rain gets me wishing for summer again! It's a vicious cycle, I know.

I'm the same way with my hair. It takes a while to grow out and then I love it long....for about three months. I chop it off and adore it, but again the happiness with it is short lived and I'm sporting a two inch ponytail and bobby pinning bangs.

And my life. I rushed through high school trying to get to college, and through college trying to get to "real life". Some days, I really miss college, and wish I had savored it more.

I loved dating Peyton, but I spent most of our those years thinking "if he'll just ask me to marry him...." and then when we were engaged it was like "if we can just get married.....". (I did get better toward the end, though, and even considered living in an apartment with my girlfriends for a year before we got married).

Anyway, I told myself that I would not rush through my first few years of teaching and of marriage by thinking only of babies....even though that is what I always wanted.

I was SO excited about having my own classroom that when I got pregnant, I was terrified that I would rush through these years, anxiously awaiting the opportunity to teach again. That has not been the case. Some days I do think about "what might have been" and look forward to it one day, but it's not something I want to fast-foward to. If anything it scares me, thinking about going back, because it means that after that point, there probably won't be any more babies and really I'm kind of afraid I'd love to be Michelle Duggar (okay, maybe eight, instead of eighteen!). Sidenote: one of my friends once saw a huge daycare type van going down the road and announced to the whole car that she just saw my future flash before her very eyes--"OMG, it's Sarah Denley and Peyton and there twenty zillion kids".

One thing, though, that I think all Mommas are probably guilty of at some point, is racing ahead to the next thing. It seems so often I'm thinking "she can almost roll", "she's almost in 3-6 months clothes", "she's almost half way to a year".....and it's not that I'm ready for all those things to come more quickly. It's just sometimes I think about them too much. I don't want to be so excited about fruits and cereal that I don't cherish nursing. I don't want to be so ready to get an Exersaucer that I don't let her enjoy her swing as long as she can. I don't want to think so much about her rolling over that I don't enjoy her total lack of mobility and dependence on us.

I want to live and love in this very moment. I want to relish every second of it. Because next time, I don't think it will be quite as easy to.


Ashley said...

I am the exact same way! This is such a sweet post =)

Carrie said...

I totally agree. When Aubrey was a newborn, I used to say I just could not wait for her to be at the "fun age." Now I feel like I've blinked and she's turning one! :( But I totally agree about being the next Michelle Duggar. I told David I'm going to be so sad to stop having babies I might have to just keep going... he didn't go for it! Haha.

maddie/cadesmimi said...

Oooo, this was a good post! Sounds like you have the right idea! Today is a gift, there is no promise of for today! Blessings, Kathy