Saturday, October 10, 2009

Sick, Sad World

I hate to be the one to bring the sad to the party, but sometimes I am just horrified by the world in which we live. These two stories just broke my heart:

First, this story about a blogger tweeted: "I'm in a board meeting. Having a miscarriage. Thank goodness, because there's a f***ed-up 3-week hoop-jump to have an abortion in Wisconsin." Whoa. I could not believe someone would say such a thing. That is such a private matter to share and over Twitter, really? Not to mention that it really trivializes a LIFE. It is a weird world where people share anything and everything over Twitter and Facebook statuses. And in this case it just made me ill.

I guess you could say I'm being hypocritical because I've written here about how scared I was when I found out that I was pregnant and how my mind went to my mom's many miscarriages and I thought "maybe that will happen to me". And honestly, I felt like I'd be relieved if it did. I did not feel equipped for motherhood. BUT, I think it's different in several ways. For one, as Kathleen Parker points out in a very well-written article, with Twitter's 140 character limit it is impossible to not trivialize the situation and a longer, "more reflective" post might have actually been appropriate. Also, I think that the way she said it was just really crass. And, when I made the decision to post about my initial feelings regarding my pregnancy, it was something I thought LONG AND HARD about. I thought about the fact that more likely than not, Ann Peyton will read these words one day. I discussed it with Peyton. And it was only after I had come to know her as the best gift the Lord has ever given me and the most wonderful surprise anyone could ever receive. And in the end I decided it was worth it to put myself out there, because I wanted to be very transparent in this space, and, more importantly because I wanted to share a VERY important part of my testimony and show people what the Lord can do, even when you feel so desperate.

****Edited to add: One of my friends did point out that this woman has Asperger's Syndrome (an autistic disorder), and suggested I should cut her some slack for her bluntness and rightly, I should. I'm not sure, but I may have gotten even sadder about the whole situation.

The other heartbreaking story was about a mother who adopted a child and gave him back. I've said it before, but I'll say it again, I try not to sit in judgment of anybody, especially another mother. But, it was hard not to this time. The mother said they never "attached", which as many pointed out can take a long time and some people have trouble bonding with biological children they can't give back. Other commenter's were sympathetic and told about their experiences with adopting children with attachment issues and some of them had ended up doing the same thing. We've done a little bit of "cry it out" with Ann Peyton, as a sleep method, and I was amazed to read about parents who attributed that to the reason they didn't "bond" with their child. I can't imagine not bonding with a child that is yours, biological or adopted, but I know that it does happen. I guess it just shows where the culture is going......if a marriage covenant isn't permanent, why should a parenting one be??

At the same time, I know some people would think my opinion is naive. I say often how AP is my "play baby" because she is so good. I've often said jokingly (kind of) that God in his infinite mercy knew that I was not ready for a "real baby" so he gave us her. Reading the comments I realized even more how blessed we have been. But I think, even if she had colic, or something much worse, I would never, EVER, truly wish I could "send her back".

I think this story hurt because it hit home with me, as well. Peyton and I (even before we got married) have often discussed adopting children in addition to our biological ones. We have talked about adopting an older child or a special needs child, basically one that would be less likely to get adopted than a "healthy" infant. Ever since I learned that about 90%(!!!) of women in the US who learn they are pregnant with a Down Syndrome baby terminate their pregnancies, I have often thought of giving one who had a brave mother, but one who knew she was not up to that challenge, a home. It's not something I know for a fact we will do, but it's something we've talked about and prayed about.

I think the saddest part of this story is how it seems that she is really using it for her own gain....with numerous articles, a Today Show appearance, and even an alleged book deal. I just can't believe it.

I think I'll end the way one of the commenters on this story did; it couldn't be more fitting....

Oh, cry, the beloved culture.


Ashley said...

I have no words.

On a brighter note, Kurt and I are also praying about adoption. It's not something that you quickly run into, but it's something we're open to.

Carrie said...

How sad! I would LOVE to adopt too! It's something that I feel the Lord has really placed on my heart... now if He will just place it on David's heart too... :o)