Sunday, December 19, 2010

Weekly Happenings Post #92 (December 13-19)-- Soon It Will Be Christmas Day

Well, as I said on Friday, this week was pretty rough. I have to say, every time I do a post like this, I am overwhelmed by the "me too's" and the love and support I feel from your comments, emails and texts. I am so blessed by my family, my ("real life" and blog) friends, and the sweet commenters who "de-lurk" to show their support and over advice.

[Sidenote: Someone asked in reference to that post about why I stopped taking anxiety medicine in the first place if it helped me and several people have really sweetly mentioned that it is not a bad thing if it's what I need. I realized that I don't think I ever fully addressed that on my blog and I wanted to let y'all know in case you had the same questions. I stopped taking my medicine originally because I didn't feel like I needed it. Then I was pregnant and nursing and although there are some drugs that are okay, I just wasn't comfortable with it. Honestly, being married to a pharmacist I have seen SO many medications over prescribed for everything from antibiotics to ADD to anxiety. We definitely take medicine when we're sick, but I just would rather not be putting something in my body if I don't REALLY need it. Sorta like why we're considering an unmediated birth this time! Also, (and this is partly just me being stubborn), I just don't want to be dependent on something (not physically dependent like an addiction, but emotionally dependent). Finally, the medicine mellows me a lot in general and although I don't experience this level of anxiety, I also don't get near the same level of happiness. I haven't tried many different things, but obviously, all drugs have side effects. That said, I'm going to try to just wade through this, but if I'm still like this after Brother is born, I probably will get back on it. For one thing, it's just not fair to Peyton or our children to be in this state indefinitely. I wrote once awhile back that I wanted the Lord to have victory in this situation and that is why I didn't want to get back on my medicine. However, I now realize that for some people he will have victory through medicine and I may be one of those people. I know this is a particularly emotional time in my life right now, though, and I don't want to get back on it until I feel like my hormones are in a stable place and it's not just pregnancy that is making me feel this way. Thanks again for all your advice and encouragement!]

Enough about that, though, I know you're ready to hear the mundane details of each day this week....

was a pretty laid back day. Ann Peyton woke up around 6:30 and would not go back to sleep. I cleared all the stuff of Brother's that's been accumulating on the twin bed in her nursery off and laid down with her in it because I knew if we headed to the living room she'd think "PLAY TIME!" and I knew if I put her in our bed she'd get all excited when Peyton got up. So...she laid down with me and rested for about thirty minutes but she never went back to sleep. When Peyton left for work, I moved her to our bed and she watched Curious George and played in the bed for almost another hour! We got up and ate breakfast and watched some TV (some crazar reporter on CNN was saying "depending on what doctor you talk to, formula is just as good as breast milk" and her guest responded with " Even the formula companies say breastfeeding is best". It was clear that she was either pandering or had done some very shallow research on the subject. And, of course, the best part? She was pregnant herself. Anyway, we took a bath and I put AP down early for her nap since she woke up so early. She slept for over two hours and I finished up writing my Sunday School outreach letters and straightened the house some. I ate lunch and watched a little TV and got myself "fixed" for the day.

When Annie woke up, I fed her lunch and folded a few loads of laundry while she played and then my mom came over and we went shopping because she's getting me maternity clothes for Christmas. I know, yuck, right? But I couldn't think of anything I really wanted and I hate to use "my" money for that, but I also don't want to be using money from our family finances that we've carefully budgeted, soo...

We had to go back over to my parents' house first because my mom forgot something and then we headed to this sort of high end place that I had heard moved to Highland Village. [I had gotten a couple of cute things off the sale rack last time.] Well, it had moved, but then it went out of business. Then we went to TJ Maxx and I got several cute things that aren't maternity, but are really loose and more flattering than most of my tops now. I have some good dresses, but it's getting so cold for that and that doesn't really work for MDO when I'm on the floor all morning with toddlers. We decided we'd hit some more places later in the week since it was getting late and AP was getting fussy. When we got home, Peyton was watching a movie. He fell asleep and Annie and I played and read books and did a little bit of organizing in her room because she can reach the shelf in her closet that her medicine was on now. She was so tired and was still feeling bad and nothing really made her happy except reading the same book (Baby Dear) over and over and over again.
loving on PigPig

She does usually really enjoy playing in her Christmas basket!

Peyton woke up and we fed her supper and put her to bed after they played a little. I started working on Christmas cards and realized that our printer is messed up and won't print multiple copies. We didn't have any stamps anyway and were running low on ink, so I just finished addressing envelopes and read a few blogs. I made us some scrambled eggs for supper, cleaned up around the house, and read my Bible.

On Tuesday I took the day off work and went to an overstock sale. Peyton kept AP and I was feeling so "yuck" that I slept as late as I could and then put on a baseball cap and went without even taking a shower (so unlike me, but you know what my priorites are when it comes to kid clothes!). When we got home Peyton had taken AP and gone the grocery store, which was so sweet of him. I put up the groceries and we made some white rotel dip for Peyton's work party that afternoon and then AP and I took a bath and I put her down for her nap. I got on the computer and had lunch and Peyton went to pick up the armoire we had found the week before. When he got home, we visited a little bit and then he went to his party and I cleaned up the kitchen and baked a cake for our Ultreya meeting that night. AP was up by that time and it took FOREVER to get anything done in the kitchen because she was into everything. I pretty much fed her animal crackers and let her play in the dishwasher!

When Peyton got home, we left to drop AP off with his parents because she was still sort of sniffly and then we went with our Utreya group to carol at a local nursing home. Afterward, we went to someone's house and had all different kinds of soups and desserts. I had THE most amazing crawfish bisque and I'm going to attempt to make it this week or next! We went by Walgreens on the way home and picked up AP.
Once she was asleep, I worked on the Christmas letter and straightened the house and then I went to bed after I read my Bible.

Ann Peyton slept until around 8:00 on Wednesday. I was planning to get back to the sale at nine o'clock, but she had had such a hard time, I wasn't going to be mean and wake her up. I let her have a cup of milk while I rushed through my bath (usually she cannot deal with someone else being in the tub without her) and got us ready and we were there just a little after nine. I ended up getting a few more things and then we went over to my parents' house. My mom was cooking breakfast for my sister and her boyfriend, who was here for the holidays, and so she cooked us some, too! We had a nice visit and when we got home AP took a long nap. I got on the computer for a bit, but I spent most oh her nap taking my own nap. She woke up and I fed her a late lunch and then my dad came over and helped Peyton move the new armoire in from the car. After he left, Peyton and I finally got the wreaths hung on the front windows and then after it got dark, we headed to the park to see the lights. It was beautiful and they had a little train going and were selling hot chocolate. There was even a Santa there for pictures and we decided we had to go back with the camera. We stopped by the library for a little story time and then went to Walmart to get some printer ink for the Christmas letter and a few other things. Peyton also wanted to stop by some video game place to get a new game, so we did. We fed AP supper and cooked a frozen pizza and I cleaned up the kitchen. I got on the computer and then I straightened the rest of the house. I tried to print the Christmas letter, but something was wrong with the ink. Peyton was already asleep and I also had to get a box of maternity stuff from the attic. I was so frustrated that I just started crying and did it myself. It wasn't that heavy, but I still probably shouldn't have done it. I'm not a tough girl who does a lot of things by herself, but I am stubborn and when it's something like getting a box down that I've always been able to do, I hate having to ask for help. I skipped reading my Bible and went to bed about half an hour later than I had planned. UGH.

We got up bright and early for Mother's Day Out on Thursday. We had a nice morning and all the kids were very "spirited" about Christmas and all the treats and happies they were getting since it was the last day. After school we went over to Darlene's house for lunch and it was more soup and salad (my FAVORITE thing). We had a good time and her oldest son who is college helped watch the kiddos. Seth even came up to the church to help the last hour because some of the teachers with older children in the preschool wanted to go to their parties. He suprised me how good he was with them. He's going to be a great daddy one day!

After we got home, I put AP down for her nap and that's when I read the sad blog post. I just had to get in the bed myself and cry. Peyton and I hung out when he got home and then he played some video games while I fed AP dinner and read to her. She was so cranky, so I gave her a bath and started getting her ready for bed. I fell asleep on the sofa watching TV with Peyton not too longer after she did, but then I got up and finished the cloth diaper post I had started a few weeks ago and worked on our Christmas cards and got most of them done before I ran out of PAPER for the letters. These things have been a challange this year! I went to bed, but AP was up from about 11:00 to 1:00 just fussing and crying. I finally just brought her to our bed because I figured she really felt bad.

Friday was interesting. AP was still in our bed at around 6:30 when Peyton woke up. She was pretty happy to snuggle and watch cartoons for over an hour, but needless to say she was up for the morning. We got up and got ready around 8:30 and had breakfast and I started cleaning up our disaster of a kitchen. My mom and Cookie came over so we could finish up the maternity Christmas shopping. We went to Old Navy and I found so much there, we just headed home after that. After they left, I tried to feed AP lunch and put her down for a nap. She had been in a pretty good mood all morning and went to sleep easily, so I figured she was fine and Thursday night was just a fluke/her getting spoiled by us rocking her every time she wakes up.

Well, she woke up earlier than usual, screaming and did not want to eat, play, read, or really even sit in my lap. She was so unhappy and was pulling on her ear. For the first time in almost two years, I didn't consult with Peyton before I made the doctor's appointment. It was pretty obvious and since it was Friday afternoon, I wanted to see if we could get in before the weekend. They said come on and he'd squeeze us in right then. Of course, AP lost.her.mind. when she saw Dr. Denney. She is just terrified of him, which is weird since his nurse, Nancy, is the one who always gives the shots and she goes right to her. I guess she knows who "calls the shots" (pun kind of intended). He gave her a sucker and a little rubber toy and that seemed to help. Sure enough, she had an ear infection, so we dropped of the prescription on our way home. When we got home, she sat in Peyotn's lap and watched more cartoons and ate a bowl of grapes. She was pitiful! We gave her some Baby Advil and I finished cleaning up the kitchen and we headed back to the pharmacy to get her medicine and to my parents' house for Beans. Annie fell asleep on the way, but once we got there she had a great time. She ate a good supper and had a bath and we headed home around 9:00. Peyton watched TV and I read blogs for awhile and wrote my post on anxiety and Ann Peyton woke us fussing a few times, but I tried to let her get back to sleep on her own and she did a pretty good job of it. I read my Bible and straightened the house and went to bed.

Wouldn't you know that on Saturday I woke up feeling so much better? I truly had a real peace that I haven't felt in weeks and I know it was in large part because of y'alls prayers and also because I allowed myself to be honest and really process my feelings. And also because I got a good nights sleep and gave myself a reasonable agenda for the day.

Peyton left super early to go with his dad to work on Granny's farm, but AP slept a little later than she has been lately and got up around 8ish. I put her in the bed with me and she and I snuggled and played for almost an hour. I was kind of dreading Peyton being gone all day, but it worked out nicely, because I know if he'd been here we would have crammed it full of stuff. As it was, Annie and I had a nice, relaxing morning of folding laundry, eating breakfast, and taking baths. I enjoyed the day because I felt like I was getting things done around the house, but at the same time, I didn't feel guilty or anxious when I took breaks and just relaxed. And I felt like I got to shower AP with lots of attention and affection and just not stress about what I was or wasn't getting done.

I fed her lunch around noon and put her down for a nap and she slept for quite a while. I watched part of an episode of The Good Wife, ate a wonderful turkey melt, had a little computer time, and baked brownies for a Sunday School party that night. I also started making some chili for us to snack on this week. Peyton got home shorty after Annie woke up and she had a snack while I finished the chili. Peyton played with her and I cleaned the kitchen and got ready for the party. We dropped Ann Peyton off at Peyton's parents house and headed to the party. It was fun and we played a hilarious game where each person puts a sticky note on their head with something written on it and they have to try to figure out what it says based on people's responses (for example, one person's said "pat me on the back every time I say something", one person was Al Sharpton, and one person was Les Miles. So funny!).

Peyton's dad packed up AP so he could take Peyton's youngest brother to the movies, so we had a little time to kill before they made it back home. We went to Target and got a little Christmas shopping done, plus a new ironing board and a potty for AP! When we got home, we put her straight to bed. Peyton and I chatted and then I read blogs for a little while and then read my Bible and cleaned bathrooms and went to bed.

We went to Sunday School and then late church on Sunday. Sunday School was really good and we talked all about the Christmas story. I think it's a pretty common thing, but as a mother, I find myself thinking more and more about Mary and all her feelings and emotions. I thought about her long, hard journey and the fact that most women who have a natural childbirth end up yelling "how could you do this to me?" at their husbands during labor. Since she obviously couldn't get onto Joseph, I wonder if she felt like screaming at the Lord in the stable that cold night. I mean she wasn't the one who was sinless, you know? I also thought about the wiseman who brough Myrrh, which is made for enbalming the dead. Although I'm sure Mary had a pretty good idea of all the prophesies her precious son would furfill, I can't imagine how difficult it would be to receive a baby gift that was made for a burial process. So thought provoking!

After church, we came home and ate lunch and all took naps! I was so tired! When we woke up, we played with Annie and I did laundry and dishes.
I hate that these pictures are so stark. The house actually had such a warm glow, but the flash really messes that up. Peyton told me something VERY exciting, though, he said that by the time the new baby gets here, we'll have a new (nicer) camera. I'm so excited. So, all y'all with fancy cameras, tell me about 'em. GO!

We fed her supper and I straigtened the house some and vacuumed (I used the big vacuum and even got under the furniture and around the baseboards with the suction tools!). We put Annie to bed and made a few trips to the attic to take the boxes that the Christmas stuff was in back up. I know we're a little late, but I wanted them out of my house this week and plus, we usually leave up our decorations for a week or so, anyway! I also brought down some maternity stuff and brought up some of AP's stuff and got things organized a little bit. I ate some chili and read blogs and talked to Peyton a bit and then I worked on updating my goals list and getting caught up on family finances. I worked on this post and read my Bible and went to bed....late.

Next week we don't have much of anything (besides Christmas festivities) going on and I'm really, really excited about that! Peyton's parents are both in the medical field, too, and they both have to work on Christmas this year, so we'll be celebrating with them earlier in the week. Then, we'll spend Friday night and Saturday with my parents and on the 26th we'll head down to Granny's house to be with Peyton's extended family. We both love "family time" so much, and I'm glad there's not much else on the agenda!


Kari said...

Hi Denley. First, I've been a "lurker" and never commented until now. 1. I went to high school with you but you probably don't remember me 2. I want to tell you how wonderful (and good looking!) of a family you have. Congrats on the upcoming baby and everything else you've accomplished 3. I enjoy reading your blog and getting all the mommy advice (for one day in the future) as well as other things.

Ok, second, a thought on your anxiety. I'm sure you and Peyton are well aware that GAD is very common. Yes, there are medications that can help, but have you ever thought of counseling? I apologize if you've already tried or touched on it. Sometimes a therapist can help you set in place routines or coping mechanisms for when you get overwhelmed. Just a thought if you wanted to go the non-med route. Even though I'm in the medical field I support non-invasive (including non-pharmaceutical) as the first line treatment if possible. Maybe talking to a professional that deals with GAD may help. Sorry if you've already thought/addressed the therapy route. I know in many studies psychotherapy has been proven just as effective (and sometimes more so) as pharmaceutical intervention.

Ok, with that said I hope you have a very Merry Christmas. Again, congrats!

P.S. Thanks for the cloth diaper post. As someone who plans to have kids one day it was nice to get the low-down on the system. I'm into the as natural as possible with the breastfeeding and cloth diapers. It's been nice reading your blog and seeing how you and your hubby address the issues.

Carrie said...

If yall are trying to decide what kind of camera to get, you should go to Deville Camera. They were SO nice and helpful when David and I got our camera, and I know yall are into supporting local businesses. We probably could have found our camera somewhere else for a little cheaper, but it was worth it to us to get such nice, personal help. If you tell them what you want in a camera, they could probably give you some good recommendations :)

Sarah Denley said...

Hey Kari!

Thanks for you advice. I tried some "talk therapy" in college and it actually did help. I just saw someone on campus and he was great! I guess when I graduated, I just got busy and didn't make finding someone else a priority. I don't know why I haven't ever gone back to it; I guess because these things come in spurts and (until lately anyway) they're usually pretty short lived. I think it would help, alot though.

By the way, I'd be interested in what Kari from high school you are. I bet I DO remember you. Just curious.

Mary Louis Quinn said...

I'm glad AP can wear her Christmas Pj's :) So cute!

My tips on camera shopping: buy a camera body seperate from the lens (if you're planning on getting a DSLR, that is). The kit lenses that come with the cameras are NOT good. I hate mine and can't wait to get a new one. The lens is what makes your pictures good. Nikon or Canon are probably your best bet. There are lots of DSLR options for everyday people who just want to take good pictures but don't want to be a "professional." Like Carrie said, go to Deville or somewhere else where they are going to be very knowledgable (not Best Buy or the like). Make sure you try the camera out before you buy it. If you have more specific questions about the camera/lenses you can email me. :)