Monday, February 21, 2011

Beautiful. Blissful. Chaos.

I remember reading a friend's blog last time I was pregnant. She had just had a baby and everything, every picture seemed so happy and so peaceful. I remember going into Ann Peyton's newly decorated nursery and feeling such a peaceful, relaxed feeling. I worried that once she came that feeling would be gone, but when I read my friend's blog, I thought "hmm...maybe not".

And it really was a long time before it left. True, she was an easy newborn. She slept easily and ate easily and when she was awake she was equally content to be held or put in a swing or laid down on a play mat. Her room smelled like a baby for a long, long time. And it was one room in our house that was rarely, if ever, messy. I just adored her room- the wonderful smell, the pastel hues and the peace it evoked within me.
Her room is very much vintage inspired, and at that time, so quiet and tranquil, it reminded me of something out of a Robert Lewis Stevenson story, or Peter Pan, or some other classic piece of literature from yesteryear where a nursery meant something entirely different from the loud, primary colored rooms of many of today's children.

Now...

Now.

Now, there is no room in our house like that. The room where Graves will sleep, at least at first, is our bedroom and it often smells sort of like a man, because well, a man sleeps in it. The room that they will eventually share smells like a toddler, because well, a toddler sleeps (and lives.... I mean really lives) in it.

I miss the old days. And it's a little sad for me realizing that I won't have the same kind of peaceful nursery (or life) when Graves is born. I have struggled with this all my life- idolizing the past and idealizing the future. And ignoring the present. But Ann Peyton taught me very early on that that was no way to live a life. That little bundle made me quick reevaluate my tendency to focus on those parts of life that are forever gone and those that are yet to be. Because the moment I was with her, that very moment that I was wasting, was too precious to be spent focusing on something else.

So, I am embracing the "new" nursery. The nursery that will be home to both a baby and a toddler. I look all around at the chaos- the carnival of push toys and music machines, the parade of baby dolls, the circus of stuffed animals. I enjoy the new smells of a little girl who is sweaty from the enjoying the trips to the carnival, the parade and the circus in her own bedroom. I acknowledge that it is what it is- chaos. A beautiful, blissful chaos.

To every thing there is a season, and a time to every purpose under the heaven. ~Ecclesiastes 3:1

5 comments:

The Niemeyer Nest said...

It will be different with our second babies. I love your sweet memories of being with Annie as a baby. Evie was a sweet baby but she came in turned our life upside down with lots of cring, little sleeping and some major wondering about what in the world we had done. I love her dearly but she still is not easy. Maybe I will get an Annie baby this time around.

Ashley said...

This was so sweet. I'm a bit glad that adoption takes longer than pregnancy....it is giving me lots of time to really relish the time of only having one baby :) This was really expressed well, and I took notice of your alliteration--very nice :)

B said...

Take heart, my mom said that each new stage was better than the one before with all of us -- she loved us as babies, even more as toddlers, even more as kids, and even more as teenager, it's true! It's always good to be reminded to appreciate my current life. :)

Mallory Pickering said...

I love this! Beautiful writing!

Candy said...

I love this post. It is hard to keep remembering these days are short lived and I will very much miss them one day. Our home stays in chaos. I pick stuff up and turn around and Molly has more stuff pulled out. I do not want to mess up what you wrote so beautifully so I will just say "you go, girl!" I totally agree : )