Monday, April 11, 2011

April Sadness....and Thankfulness

It's strange that April, the month that I will celebrate both my children's birthdays, always brings a little tinge of sadness. The reason, and it seems strange if you aren't an avid blog reader, is that it is the month that two of my favorite bloggers lost their daughters.

Heather from The Spohrs Are Multiplying and Angie of Bring the Rain fame both said goodbye to their precious girls right around the time I was saying my first hello to Ann Peyton. I think the timing of the reading about those situations with my first little baby newborn in my arms makes them hauntingly significant to me.

I have eliminated A LOT of sad blogs from my Reader. It just isn't edifying for someone with the levels of anxiety that I have and the depth of emotions that I feel to dwell on these things often and at length. However, these two remained. For one thing, both women are incredible writers and I feel like I'd be missing something if I chose to miss part of their stories. For another, both are strong and their blogs have ceased to be defined (at least in my mind) as "sad blogs". They both often share their continued struggles with grief, but they are also busy living in the moment, loving their other children, and making the most of each new day.

Finally, they both remind me to be thankful for the gift of having today, this day, with my daughter. They remind me that in the end, the marker scribbles all over her body, the recently acquired picky eating habits, the temper fits over not being able to stay outside for every waking hour of the day, and the late afternoon crankiness when waiting for Papa are all a PRIVILEGE.

And Angie's blog, in particular, reminds me that even if my worst fear were to be realized....there is hope. It is the perfect reminder this April, as we humbly walk the Lenten road to the cross of Calvary, that, as the quote in my headers says "On Easter day the veil between time and eternity thins to gossamer". A reminder to focus on things not temporal and to to put my love in things eternal.

About this time a year ago, Peyton and I went on a very defining spiritual retreat. One of the songs we sung constantly that weekend was "Turn Your Eyes Upon Jesus". One of the verses says Turn your eyes upon Jesus./Look full in His wonderful face/and the things of Earth will grow strangely dim/in the light of his mercy and grace. I begin praying, often, that the Lord would allow the "things of Earth" to grow dim to me.

I want that to be, need that to be, my prayer again.


The Niemeyer Nest said...

You are right SD - all of this is a privilege even on the hard days!

Mallory Pickering said...

Loved this post! I love to read your reflections. So thoughtful and lovely!