Monday, December 26, 2011

A Long December

I'm going to do a full post of pictures and more details on all the fun we had this weekend, but I wanted to type out what I've been feeling this holiday season first.  I kind of hesitated to blog about it because I hate to be negative and whiney and we are SO, so blessed.  But I really want to always be honest on my blog and I want to be able to look back and see what life was really like during this time.

Yesterday had some really bright, fun moments but it was like no Christmas I can remember.  Our church had a single service at 10:00 AM and it just didn't feel right to miss that opportunity for corporate worship.  Well, trying to get there made for a really busy, really hectic, really chaotic morning.  Backing up, we've spent Christmas Eve with my parents every year since we got married and for some reason it's always hard to get there. This year and last year I was doing a million last minute things and we got there late and it was just rough.  Peyton went to a midnight mass [he used to be Catholic and still loves holiday masses] and getting the kids to bed has been rough at our own house, so needless to say, it was significantly more difficult in a strange bed.  It made me really reconsider if it was worth the effort. I was so tired and Christmas morning came really early and I just didn't give myself enough time.  Every year until this year, I've gotten up, showered, put on make-up, and gotten back on my pjs, before anybody else woke up.  This year- the one year I really needed to do it that way to make things work- I decided to do it differently.  Anyway, I ended up missing out on a lot of present opening and I left the house for church really, really frazzled.

I feel like I've found myself feeling that way this whole month.  I've just been weird and edgy.  I think a lot of it has to do with the month long kitchen project going on here.  I said before, but we've saved a TON of money having this guy who does this part time do it for us, and if I had to do it again I don't think I'd change what we did.  I do think I'd pick a different time of year, though.  It was just too much with the normal December activities and then I was in a wedding at the beginning of the month and had a lot going on with that and I (stupidly) signed up for extra stuff, like a sewing class and it was just all too much.  I keep thinking that the house thing really shouldn't be a big deal but basically living out of two rooms of our house with two really young kids and having limited kitchen functionality for the month has been hard on me.  I'm the type person who really likes things to be in their place and even though we have way too many piles lying around most of the time, I don't like a truly messy house at all.  And it bothered me a lot that we couldn't really decorate at all.

I think that's a lot of it and it will get better soon- the grout is still not dry (it's taking forever because of the humidity partly, I think) but we moved everything back and Elliot is just going to come seal it next week after it dries. [We are currently keeping our house miserably (even for cold natured me) hot to try to get it to dry.]  But I know there's more, too- I literally feel like I've been in survival mode.  I don't even think I felt this exhausted and touchy when my kids were newborns.  I think it may be a hormonal thing- since we started doing solids more consistently with Graves he's stopped needing to nurse as often and with him sleeping through the night, I think things are just changing a lot in my body.  It's normal and good and praise God for it, but I think I'm just trying to adjust internally.

Today we're doing the last of our Christmas celebrating and then I'm hoping things will just level out a bit and we can all breath. 

1 comment:

Ashley said...

I could've written this post myself. Seriously. It's been the hardest Christmas season I can remember in a long time. I'm struggling with whether or not to blog about it, because it might make me sound like I have a horrible (or even ungrateful?) attitude. Which isn't the case....I have just struggled more this year than any other year. So you're not alone. I love you!