Wednesday, February 13, 2013

Letter to (Twenty Two Month Old) Graves

Dear Graves,

This last month with you has been fun and exciting. And also a little bit exhausting. Just watching you kind of wears me out. You're your papa's son, for sure!

You're growing a lot and are about to outgrow your size five tennis shoes. Your little foot is so chubby, too!

You eat raisins now. Like, by the handful. Without me breathing down your neck. It makes me feel like you're very grown up.

We had another big first a few weeks back. We had been late to church and had to park really far away. You were very heavy and so, on the way back to the car after church, for the first time ever, I put you down beside me and we walked to the car, you holding one of my hands and Annie holding the other. It was one of those moments I wished I could step outside the scene and look at us. It all felt so different that day.

You're saying a few new words, but you don't really say them regularly. You've said "spoon" and "fork", and a few others. The other day we were talking to Annie about how Grandpa Randy is papa's papa and you said "Bapa" (which is what AP called Papa for months). Clearly, you're a bit stubborn since we've been trying to coach you to say it for months. I think it's hysterical you finally said it in the context of talking about someone else's Papa.

The other day we went outside to play and you bravely climbed up into y'alls little playhouse/fort. Then you bravely decided you wanted to slide. The slide was filthy from having not been cleaned all Winter, but I let you. There's a big streak down the middle of it now where your little bottom polished the grimey dirt off. I doubt I would have let Annie do that when she was almost two. I'm such a different kind of mom this go round. 

Sometimes, when you've gone down for a nap or gone to sleep for the night and Papa is at work and it's just me and Annie, I start to think. I think about what our family would be like if we were still a family of three. It's been so long, almost two years, but sometimes I let my mind go there. Sure Ann Peyton has her moments of sassiness and stubbornness, but I think about how generally calm and peaceful and quiet it would be. But every time, without fail, I think about how exponentially less full our lives would be without you.  For this season, our family feels complete because of you. Even on the hardest, loudest days, I'm so overwhelmed with the love and joy you bring to all of us. And I know part of it is your age. Children get older and things change. I know there'll be a time when I have that calm, peaceful, quiet house again. My guess is when you go to college :)

That said, while you're super high energy, you're also pretty laid back, in a way. The other night Ann Peyton freaked out and grabbed something from you and you got upset for a minute, but calmed down pretty quickly. Minnie remarked that she thought for sure you'd be the laid back, easy one. NOT what I expected when I think about y'alls respective babyhoods! 

Recently, right before I go to bed, I sneak into yours and your sister's room. I usually sit on her bed for a few minutes and for awhile I'd just drop my hand into your crib and rub her back and trace your lips and curl her baby hair around my fingers a couple of times. Lately, though, it's not enough. So I pick you up so gently and hold you for a bit. You make those sleepy little boy sounds and usually you curl your arm around my neck in your sleep and I bury my nose in your hair. Some nights it smells fresh and clean like baby shampoo. Some nights it smells like a sweaty little boy. I wish I could smell both every night for the rest of my life. Sometimes I sit and rock you. Other nights I just sway with you for a few minutes. Occasionally, I carry your limp sack of flour self to the couch and lay you on my chest and just breath you in for awhile. I never want to forget you like this, Graves.

Momma (and Papa)

P.S. Your jon jon is a 24 mo.

1 comment:

The Niemeyer Nest said...

Oh how I love that baby boy smell! It's intoxicating in the best of ways. Sweet Post!