Tuesday, February 12, 2013

Weekly Happenings Post #202 (February 4-10)-- Tummy Issues and Heart Issues

I'm pretty sure I've talked about this before, but in my Educational Psychology class in college we talked a good bit about intrinsic versus extrinsic motivation. We discussed how we probably wouldn't be successful teachers if our students were only motivated to learn for a sticker, or a movie day, or an ice cream party. Basically, we had to work to great within them a desire to learn.

I think about this often with my current "job". Pretty much my motivation has to be entirely intrinsic. I mean the children are an external factor, obviously, but there's no real external reward. Weather I do my job well or weather I do it in a mediocre fashion, won't result in, say, a raise or a promotion (or being fired or demoted for that matter) like it would with some jobs. [I know not all jobs work this way. But it's different, for example, from Peyton's.]

So, each day (each hour and minute, really), I face a choice. To rise up to my calling and do this thing well or to be lazy and apathetic and make choices that are, at their base, selfish.

Like (most) everyone in (most) every job, I have good weeks and I have bad weeks. It's hard to admit when I fail at what I do because when I fail, I am failing my children and my husband. Anyway, this certainly wasn't my worst week, but it wasn't my best by a long shot. Part of me was tempted to come here and brush over it. It's weird because half of me was ashamed and thought "I already feel so guilty. Why make this worse by telling people about it and being vulnerable?" and the other part thought "Why do you need to write this out? This is no big deal. Everybody deals with this. You sound mega melodramatic.  Just don't worry about it."

But at the end of the day, the posts I love most are the ones where people are honest about their struggles and bare before me and trust me with their lives. And also, I want to look back on this, years from now and know it wasn't all roses and sunshine. If Ann Peyton has a son or daughter one day and calls me and tells me about a hard week where she feels like she's failing, I want to be able to tell her "I know".

Also, Graves had an awful little stomach bug/possible allergy to coconut milk. The diapers were slightly horrific.

I got up at 6:30 on Monday to put AP's uniform jumper in the dryer and then went back to sleep for an hour. Then we all got up and got ready for the day and I packed AP's lunch. We actually had a few minutes before leaving for school and we snuggled on the sofa while Peyton and Baby Graves ate breakfast. I dropped Annie off at school and visited with Morgan for a bit and then headed to the CPC. Someone came in to pick up a volunteer AP and then she ended up staying and talking about her story. It was really interesting. I learned a few new things and filed some stuff and then headed home. Peyton and Graves had been to the grocery store and were eating lunch when I got home. Peyton and I visited and then he left for work. I put up groceries and cleaned up the kitchen which was pretty awful. I straightened some around the house and we left to get Annie. When we got home, I put Graves to bed and AP and I read some and then she had rest time. I ate lunch and read some blogs and then took a thirty minute power nap. When the kids got up, we cleaned up their room super fast and then I started cooking two suppers. OF COURSE, I would start two suppers at five o'clock when I needed to leave at six. It was simple stuff, though- I put a brisket in the oven and browned some meat to make spaghetti. While the kids ate their spaghetti, I got ready. Miracle of miracles, we had a first- Graves fed himself spaghetti without requiring a bath! Claire got here to keep the kids and I left. My mom's best friend's daughter was getting her invitation to join the League and I was going to a small dinner to honor her. I got there right as my mom did. I had so much fun seeing a lot of my mom's friends and their children and we had a great dinner. I got home late and Claire already had Graves in bed. AP and I did a quick puzzle and I put her down. I got on the computer for a short bit and then I cooked potatoes and green beans to go with the brisket. Peyton literally got home and midnight and was so happy about (and surprised by) his supper! We ate and visited and then I finished up a post and went to bed SUPER late.

I got up with Graves on Tuesday morning and fed him breakfast and snuggled him some and then Peyton and I traded off and I slept another hour. When I did finally drag myself into the living room  after I took a bath, we had fun visiting and listening to a podcast while the kids played. Peyton turned on some music after the podcast ended and General curled up on me and I ended up falling asleep for a bit! I kind of felt bad, but Peyton is such a sweetheart and said he just enjoyed us all four being in the room together. Anyway, I packed his dinner for work and fixed him a sandwich and he got ready and left. AP helped me pick up the room and I fixed the kids' lunch and then put Graves down. I kept AP up for a bit so we could do school and Graves ended up not sleeping as long as usual. I ate lunch and read blogs during their nap, but that was it. When they got up, we cleaned up their room and then headed to Target for some Valentine's stuff I needed for Annie's party the next day. We got home and I fixed the kids supper. I read to Graves and put him down early and then AP and I had about an hour to ourselves. We worked on tracing and did some pages in her critical thinking book and then read a good bit. We worked a puzzle and I got her to bed. She took a lot longer going to sleep than I expected her to. I got on the computer and read a lot more blogs. Strangely, I hardly got on Twitter or Facebook all day. Peyton got home and we hung out and went to bed.

We all got up on Wednesday and I got a bath and got AP ready for school. Graves had an awful diaper and Annie and Peyton left. I just played with Graves and started laundry and stuff and then Peyton got home. We talked and I addressed AP's valentines for her party and filled out her re-enrollment application for school. I got ready and headed over to help with the party while Peyton and Graves stayed home. [After three more truly awful diapers we had realized poor Gravey was sick.] The party was cute and easy- their homeroom mom is totally laid back and I love her!
Sweet girl in her chucks with her friends. 

I visited with Carrie and Morgan and then came home. Peyton had a conference call and had just put Graves down. I got AP ready for rest time and then worked some more on my crazy Weekly Smorgasbord post. I got on Twitter and Facebook for a few minutes and ate some lunch. Peyton was getting ready for church and I had assumed AP would go with him. She's been having some Momma separation anxiety lately (and weirdly, Graves has been obsessed with Peyton- role reversal for sure!) and she started crying hysterically when she realized Baby Graves and I weren't going. Anyway, the three of us ended up staying home. I folded some laundry and we read and played and then I fixed their super and put Graves to bed. Annie was still up when Peyton got home, so he gave her a bath and we put her to bed. I finished up my post and did a few other computer things and started The West Wing. I fell asleep like two minutes in and it wasn't even that late.

Thursday was a weird off day for me. I'm not sure what was wrong. It was Peyton's day off and I hate we kind of wasted it due to my mood and lack of energy/desire to do much of anything. I got up with Graves and then went back to bed for an hour after Peyton got up. I took a bath and got ready and the morning was half over. We talked and hung out and debated going to the grocery store. We ended up just straightening up and consolidating piles around the house and then all eating lunch and putting the kids down for naps.

 You wouldn't even guess this sweet little cupcake was sick, would you?

 Peyton did taxes and I read a few blogs and then laid on the couch because I had a bad headache. Peyton had his first meeting for Kairos that night(it's a prison ministry where guys basically put on a weekend retreat type thing for men in the state prison- I'm SO proud of Peyton for doing it, but it's going to be a time commitment). Anyway, the kids got up and I folded laundry while they played and then Peyton left. We hung out and read and played some more and then they ate dinner and I did dishes. I put Graves to bed and I let Annie watch a movie while I practiced French braiding. I've finally got the technique- I just need practice now :) Anyway, I read to her and put her to bed late. Peyton got home and we visited and ate dinner and then I wrote a quick post and went to bed.

Friday morning I got up with Graves as Peyton was leaving for work. He was in a weird mood- he didn't really want to snuggle and read but he didn't want to play by himself, either. He just kept bringing me toys and laying them (throwing them) on the couch. Anyway, I fixed him breakfast and AP got up and she and I ate our breakfasts and then I took a bath. They played while I did dishes and started a blog post that was really itching me.

 I see why she wanted to be on the other side of the gate (away from Bud) now. Apparently, the dwarfs are pretending to be the princesses respective princes.

Sincerest form of flattery. 

Poor Graves was still having awful diapers, but it occurred to me that it might be the coconut milk we were experimenting with (he's had some tummy issues and I think- a year later- it may still be best to keep him away from cow's milk). I did Annie's school stuff and then fixed them lunch. I put Graves down and read to AP and then I finished a blog post and got on Twitter and ate my lunch. I watched The West Wing and folded some laundry. I got the kids up and they played while I put up the laundry. Peyton got home and we cleaned up their room and got ready to go to my parents' house for beans and rice.

 Peas in a pod. These two have been especially inseparable lately.

 We had a nice visit and I bathed both kids.  We got home and put the kids to bed and then I read some blogs and Peyton watched TV and we went to bed (at a normal time!).

Peyton was working on Saturday, and I was slightly disappointed that Graves woke up at seven thirty, since he was wide awake when we got home from my parents the night before at ten til ten. We had a lazy morning, resting and playing, until AP got up. I fixed our breakfasts and then I started dishes and laundry got a bath. I was feeling kind of lazy and worthless after such a slow morning and I sort of abruptly decided (well, per a phone conversation with Peyton) that we'd go to the park. It was getting close to lunch and I knew we didn't have time to stroll. I explained that to Annie and she was disappointed, but understanding. Anyway, we loaded up and I gave Graves a banana which he devoured in the two minutes it takes to drive to the park. We played for about forty five minutes (ten of which consisted of changing an atrocious diaper) and headed home.

Poor Bud got called a girl about six times :-/ And he wasn't even wearing his Tinkerbell costume ;) Who knew polar bears weren't very masculine?  The four year kid in the jonjon with smocked seals on it made it easier to swallow, though!

 The kids ate lunch and I put Graves down for a nap and then I read to Annie and got her started on rest time. I ate my lunch and read some blogs and sent a couple of emails and got on Twitter. When the children woke up, we played in their room a little and then I started fixing supper. I cooked fish and broccoli and made a salad and fixed some bread. Peyton called to say he was late which was annoying because it's kind of a time sensitive supper. I was nice about it, though ;) He got home and we all ate together and he played with Graves and then Annie and I cleaned up her room and I put Graves to bed. We got AP ready for bed and Peyton was sort of short with her about something and she just fell apart. They ended up snuggling and falling asleep in our bed. I read blogs and went to sleep super early for me.

Peyton had to work on Sunday and I figured we needed to stay home from church, even though at that point I was attributing Graves's stomach issues to the coconut milk. Anyway, he was up at 7:30. Peyton got up with him, but then he needed to run to the store for some milk, so I got up. AP got up around that time, too, and we all had breakfast. I laid on the couch for a few minutes and then I started laundry and started unloading dishes.

I cried twice that morning over a busted lip courtesy of this little noggin. Once because it hurt so bad and once because I missed Cookie so bad. [She used to always give my mom busted lips when she was a little.]

I wanted to try to catch Galloway on TV, so I rounded everyone up and stuck them in the pack n play so I could take a bath. The TV ended up being so spotty because of the bad weather we were having, so I just finished unloading dishes and folded a load of laundry. We cleaned up and I fixed the kids lunch. I vacuumed the rug in the living room and the bed rooms and study. I even used the suction tools in the kids' room!  I put Graves down, read to AP, and got her settled. I ate lunch and called El, but he didn't answer so I read some blogs and got on Twitter and then I did some in my Luke Bible study and took a short nap. Yay, for long naptimes!

The kids got up and we played and then straightened up their room. I folded two more loads of laundry and then put on a movie for the kids. Annie let me practice French braiding for most of it and surprisingly, Graves entertained himself for a bit.
 Still not perfect by a long shot, but I think I'm getting better!

I fed him supper and gave him a bath and then did dishes and scrubbed all the counters. Peyton got home and he had planned to take Annie with him to his parents' house, but she started having some tummy issues. We took the family picture and I got Graves to bed and then I let Annie watch another movie (Peyton told her she could because we'd been talking about her going to his parents' house all day). I straightened in the living room, swept and mopped in the kitchen, sunroom and laundry room, and took care of some piles in the study. I got AP ready for bed and she went to sleep really fast. I got on the computer and uploaded pictures and read blogs until Peyton got home. I watched some of The West Wing and went to bed.

Honestly, when I look back at it, I have no idea why I didn't feel productive or good about it. Yeah, I had some slow off days, but I had some really good, fully ones too. I'm in much better spirits this week, thankfully!

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