Wednesday, October 16, 2013

31 Days of Mississippi Goodbyes: The Nursery

I've been going through the kids' room and sorting and purging toys, changing out closets and even...this is hardest...sort of "undecorating". I've been taking down things gradually and sending them to my parents' house.

I wrote about our house as my first post in this series, but I want to take a few more days to explore that.

I wrote this post awhile back. At the time, it was one of my favorite things I'd ever written. I was just coming to a place of attempting to use words to describe powerful things going on inside of me. To try to create an image with my words. I wrote:

 "So, I am embracing the "new" nursery. The nursery that will be home to both a baby and a toddler. I look all around at the chaos- the carnival of push toys and music machines, the parade of baby dolls, the circus of stuffed animals. I enjoy the new smells of a little girl who is sweaty from the enjoying the trips to the carnival, the parade and the circus in her own bedroom. I acknowledge that it is what it is- chaos. A beautiful, blissful chaos."

It has been a place of beautiful, blissful chaos. I loved what the nursery embodied when Annie was a baby-- it was such a peaceful place of refuge. Not just for her, for me. The rest of the house could be in a STATE, but the nursery seemed constantly serene and it smelled always like a fresh baby bottom (that was due to a candle rather than an actual bottom). But as Annie grew older and as Graves came along, the space changed. Someone commented to me today that they love all the pictures I put on Instagram of the kids falling asleep in crazy positions. I love it too. I'll look back on Annie's baby season and remember with fondness the peaceful easy feeling the room brought me. And I'll look back on this season and remember the laughter and smiles and overwhelming joy I've found in their bedtime and naptime antics. I'll think about laying down in bed with Peyton and telling him the absurd little things they called to me as they were falling asleep, or how I heard them having a tickle fest, or the elaborate "blanket beds" they so love to create. 

I think one reason this is such a hard goodbye for me is because I'm saying goodbye to my first two babies' nursery. It's a thing that I won't really be able to come back to. It didn't occur to me at first, but by the time we get back it would be incredibly silly to have the room decorated as a nursery, with Beatrix Potter and rabbits and Joan Walsh Anglund everywhere. The time for those things is gone, never to come again. At least for these two, anyway. Graves will be close to four at the youngest by the time we return. He will not be inclined to enjoying having a paining of a frog in a smocked jon jon or a large print of Jeremy Fisher on his walls. 

It's the one room in the house that I can't just redo the exact same way, if I want to, when we return. So it's a hard goodbye because it's a permanent goodbye. 

But we have alphabet quilts and iron beds and zoo animals and bold colors to look forward to. We have a city room that will be classic and traditional enough for this momma but fun and colorful enough for a couple of kids who are, among other things, quite fun and colorful. Just as I wrote in that post two and half years ago, I'm embracing the new. An altogether different beautiful, blissful chaos. 

To see a list of previous posts in the series, click here.

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