Monday, October 28, 2013

31 Days of Mississippi Goodbyes: Predictability and Control and Being In My Comfort Zone

We are nearing the end of this thing and in a way, I'm glad. It's been so, so good but it's time to finish it out. I've written about things I'll miss about our house, places in Jackson I'll miss, and parts of Southern culture that I'm sad to leave. Starting tomorrow I'm going to spend the three remaining days tackling three of the biggest things.

Today is sort of a catch all, I guess. Most of the things I'm thinking of I've written in specifics about already.

Last night, I reacquainted myself with the fact that a two bedroom apartment just may not happen. I struggle so much with this. I feel awful complaining because I know not everyone (or even most people) can do this sort of thing and this is such a privileged problem. But, at the same time, I'm the kind of person that needs space. And it's not for STUFF. It's for my own breathing room. It's for my mental state. I feel like I do best when I have a little bit of my day carved out where I'm away from people. This includes, but is not limited to, two and four year old people. Additionally, I really want a place for the desktop (Peyton's laptop is a Mac and I really dislike it) and for my sewing machine. Those things can't be accessible to Graves. We put our Christmas tree in the sunroom last year, for goodness sake!

This is just one thing, but that sort of thing throws me for a loop. Here, things are (somewhat) predictable. Here, I'm (more) in my comfort zone. Here, I'm in control (or maintain the illusion of it).

CLEARLY, these aren't great things. They aren't really what we're called to as believers, are they? Living a predictable life, operating in our own comfort zones, and thinking we are (or should be) in control.

I know that God's provision is in this adventure and that if, in order to keep my sanity and make this thing work for our family, a two bedroom apartment is necessary we will find one in our price range. And if we don't, I can only trust that the Lord has a sanctifying purpose behind it and that His ways are greater than mine.

To see a list of previous posts in the series, click here.

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