Sunday, October 26, 2014

31 Days to Write True: On Affirmation and Being a Thoughtful Mother

Ellis called earlier this week. We had spent time together recently and he wanted to tell me some of the things he valued in me. He said really kind things about how he could tell me anything and not fear judgement, how I hold strong opinions but am willing to listen to others, how I'm warm and funny, how I'm still ridiculously gullible and that's really endearing.

It was sweet and I appreciated it so much. Being affirmed and encouraged is really, really meaningful to me. I'm confident it's my love language. And one thing that's been great about being home is that I've been so surrounded by people who love me and want to encourage me. Of course, we have friends in New York who do the same, but it's kind of different when it comes from people who've know you for ten and twenty and thirty years, rather than eight months.

Several people have told me that I'm a great mother these past few weeks. And that means so much. It really does.

But I don't really think so. I think I'm a good mother. Sometimes. Probably not great and not even always good.

I do think I'm a thoughtful mother, though. And I'd rather be a thoughtful mother than a fun mother, or a crafty mother, or an exciting mother.

That doesn't meant my thoughts on mothering are always right. And it doesn't mean that my thoughts on mothering always line up with the ways I actually mother. But I'm trying.

And I think I'm producing thoughtful kids. Which is something.

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