Tuesday, October 7, 2014

31 Days to Write True: Trust

Today was the best day I've had in awhile. And we hardly did anything. Peyton worked and the kids and I stayed home. I made some phone calls and did dishes and tried to start packing. I did school with Annie for possibly the last time for several weeks. I asked a friend on Facebook a phonics question. Peyton and I ate absolute junk for dinner. We watched SVU and talked about how the two best things that ever happened to our marriage have been having children and moving here. I visited with another friend on Facebook and admitted there was a good chance we'd be back in Mississippi by the start of next Summer.

I don't know why it was such a good day. I feel like I've turned a corner a little bit, though. And that may be temporary, but I feel more prepared for the month ahead.

I realized a couple of things. I realized that one reason I've been unhappy lately is because I've felt very unsettled about the future. Things have slowly started to resolve and Peyton and I have been fleshing things out a bit and that helps. But ultimately, I don't think it will help enough.

Right now, in this season, I mostly just need to trust.

To trust when I see two or three new pregnancy announcements on Facebook and my heart aches.

To trust when I realize that some of the things I've loved doing here may be things I don't get to repeat or at least don't get to repeat in the near future.

To trust that the ways I feel understood by some friends in the city can happen in Mississippi.

To trust that our next adventure will also be something that brings us closer and helps us grow as people.

To trust when I watch friends have experiences I've wanted to have for years.

To trust when it becomes clear I have to reevaluate, again and again, what life will look like for our family for the next few years.

But more than anything to trust that the Lord knows what He is doing. That he will show us His will. And that, though it may seem painful, His ways are best. To have faith that He can give me the desires of my heart or (much as this year has been a huge testament to) He can change the desires of my heart.

*Here is a link to the past posts in this series. You can also find them by clicking on the graphic. 

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