Saturday, May 9, 2015


It's been almost ten days since I've blogged and a full week (yesterday) since we arrived home. Both are hard to wrap my mind around.

So many people have asked me how it feels to be back. I have a hard time answering them. A really hard time.

We've had a lot of fun catching up with people and seeing old friends and family (good greif, it's wonderful to be back with our families!) and we're sort of plugging away at getting the house back into shape, but we're getting new floors in the bedrooms a week from Monday and so we're waiting to truly unpack everything and set up the bedrooms until then.

I've been in this weird state. I've been calling it a funk, but it's really more of a fog that a funk. It's super hard for me I've realized, to deal with my house being in this state but also the lack of routine is driving me nuts. Clearly we're not doing school, but the kids aren't having rest time either, Peyton's been off work (good! but not routine) and we've sort of bounced from place to place a lot and tried to get as much done and help the children function as easily as possible.

It's super draining. And I have a lot of emotions (about the move, but also about other things) that I really need to unpack but I just haven't been able to give myself space to do it.

Like I said, we've had a lot of good days and there have definetly been little moments of confirmation that moving home was the right step, but I also find myself questioning it a lot more than I thought I would. I knew I'd grieve leaving Brooklyn, but I didn't think I'd question it much. I felt a strong sense of clarity when we visited in October that this was the right step and that strong, over arching, ever present sense of peace that was there then isn't there now.

Or not yet. I'm reminding myself that during those days, I had a lot more time to sit and think and  while our routines were off, we weren't trying to set back up a home and reconfigure a life. We were actually sort of pressing pause and just enjoying things. Which I hope we can do in a few weeks.

I've missed blogging (ALOT!) and I'll probably be back with some follow up thoughts and more details about the move home what I'm missing back in the city (and hopefully I can catch up on WH posts, letters to the kids, ect. once my big desktop gets set back up- Mickey has been trying to clean it up as it got really slow and not very functional in NYC).

1 comment:

Elizabeth said...

Hang in there, being off routine drives me crazy and I need rest time more than the kids:). We have enjoyed having yall home and I hope things settle down soon. In the meantime let me know how I can help you.