Tuesday, June 30, 2015

What I Learned in June

A little bit of reflection on what I learned in June:

1. There is such a thing as too much Mumford. Now that we're back home and I'm driving around but have yet to curate a playlist, I've been listening to all my favorite CDs. The trouble is, I just don't change them often enough. I get in the car and right before we arrive at our destination I think "I should pick a new CD. Oh well, next time". And then I don't. All that to say, there can be too much (old) Mumford. I don't know that there can be too little new Mumford. Eeek, sorry. From what I heard (not the whole album) I wasn't impressed with the new vibe. I had to say it. 

2. Nat Geo Wild is incredibly epic if you happen to be fascinated by predators and prey. When we went to the beach (which happened to be the murky waters of the Mississippi coast, which happened to be full of flesh eating bacteria, which happened to not even matter because it rained so much anyway) Annie literally watched hours of hyenas and wild dogs and orcas chasing, capturing, pulverizing, and eating their prey. Nobody tell me she's a sociopath, okay?

3. My little circle is so incredibly supportive. Now that everything we're going through is out in the open, I can't stop thinking about the people who were here when it wasn't. Who showed up in my life, day after day- filling my ears with the Gospel, texting me Indelible Grace lyrics, engaging in Brene Brown level breaking down/building up, fixing me breakfast on a Monday morning because of such a deep investment in my life it was clear I had had a hard weekend, reminding me that all I can do is pray and love hard, telling me on Fathers Day that my children are very blessed regardless of how anyone in this family self identifies, hurting deeply when I hurt and being protective over me and the children, helping me identify in a very real way my own feelings as grief, letting me compartmentalize enough to just laugh and be ridiculous and for a few minutes not think about any of it, pointing me again and again toward the cross where God's character is seen most clearly, and being unafraid to be present in my pain. Surely I would have kept breathing in and out (I think?) but I know I would be despairing deeply without these saints.

4. My decorating style leans HEAVY on the whimsy these days.

5. Words have such power in my life. Words of affirmation are so life giving to me. I've known this for awhile, but I really realized it recently when several people told me what our family, my writing, and my friendship meant to them. At the same time, I struggle really hard with harsh words. They do a number on me and I sink into deep valleys. I feel like this is cause for further exploration- of my own personality, of my identity in Christ, and of the way I navigate spaces that are safe and spaces that are not. 

5. When dealing with grief, it's OKAY to compartmentalize some. Sometimes I need moments where I'm just focused on being silly and remembering a funny thing that happened a hundred years ago in high school or enjoying the sounds and smells of Summer. 

What have you learned this month?

1 comment:

TJ said...

It is so great that you have a supportive circle who is loving on your family. Praying for you today as you navigate this journey.