Thursday, July 30, 2015

What I Learned in July


A few things I learned in July:

1. Sleep can be (and is) both a trigger and a cure for my anxiety.
I saw this interesting discussion recently on the Hollywood Housewife Facebook page and it got me thinking. I mean, it's sort of a "duh", no brainer thing. And I have realized for years that, of course when I'm more worn out I'm more likely to worry and more likely to be on edge. But this is more than that somehow. When I'm physically exhausted everything seems hard and unmanageable. I've also noticed this because I've realized that when I have a headache and I take a BC Powder, I feel so much better mentally. I assumed it was because of not having the tension from the headache, but I'm pretty sure it's actually the CAFFEINE OVERLOAD. Not good. So not good. I also honestly think this has gotten to be more of a problem recently than it ever has been, this tie in between my mental health and my physical fatigue. I don't know if it's because I'm getting older or because I have more stessors (albeit precious ones). But it's there and it's good to know it. 

2. It's so important not to rush my people. I was reading something to the children the other night and Peyton was listening and Graves was asking some (surprisingly relevant) questions. But I just keep trying to GET THROUGH IT. Which, what's the point then? Peyton gently pointed it out and I realized what an important lesson this is in their lives as learners and my life as their teacher but a parallel also occurred to me and that is how hard it is to not rush Peyton with this faith stuff. I had lunch with a precious friend recently and we were talking about the situation and she told me how something she was really noticing in the Bible lately is how like years go by in just one sentence and how often the things we pray for take all of those one sentence years to be brought to fulfillment. The kids and I have been reading about Abraham and Sarah in their devotion book and it mentioned how we shouldn't be too hard on Sarah when she laughed because she had been waiting years and years for a child and also she was kind of having to take Abraham's word for it in regards to the promise. It's so hard to wait but so important. I've written before about not rushing and our culture constantly whispers that it's the only way. But I think it's so vital. Especially when it has to do with figuring out what it means to be patient with little learners' inquiries and figuring out what it means to love someone hard through what seems to be the most difficult part of the journey.

3. I double post stuff (pictures) more often than I'd like on the blog. I realized recently that there are times when I put up a picture in a Weekly Happenings post, my What I'm Into Post, and maybe even another post. This seems so absurd and redundant. At the same time, I want the picture included in all for them, you know? I think I'm going to try to be a little more discriminating and limit it if I can and also, at the very least, try not to share with the same caption (e.g. if I want to include a picture of Annie in a romper I love for my What I'm Into post, I'll share it but not necessarily include the whole little story that accompanied it and probably actually prompted the picture; I'll save that for the Weekly Happenings post where it fits better). I think I do that mostly, but I've noticed a few times where I haven't. If this seems really dumb to be putting so much thought into, it probably is. But I want my blog to be enjoyable for us to look back on in the years to come and for a handful of others who frequent it now.

4. I can not only hack up a watermelon, I can do a pretty fine job of it.
A few weeks ago, AP asked me to cut this guy up. I told her that Papa was better at cutting up big watermelons than I was. She said "You can do it, Momma! I KNOW you can!". So I did. I'm determined she'll make a better feminist than me. [And Peyton, who so does not dish out the compliments easily, told me how nice and neatly I did it. Probably he figured he out to take a shot at never having to hack one up again. And probably it worked.]

5. Shifting between first and second gear is doable. As is starting and stopping. As is driving on the legitimate road with legitimate other cars if Peyton shifts. In other words, I'm well on my way to driving standard. It's slow going, especially with Peyton's schedule, but I'm learning. 

6. It is entirely possible to kill as wasp by spraying the heck out of it with kitchen cleaner, smashing it with a hardcover book, grabbing it with toilet paper and doing a quick flush. 
Ask me how I know. 

7. Reading Rainbow is coming to Netflix and we're all happy sobbing. Or at least most of us. One friend mentioned she was never a fan and I promptly offered to babysit and possibly homeschool her child. 

8. Atticus Finch reminds us well of who we all are. The pasor at the church we visited last Sunday said this and I thought it was spot on: "I think 'Go Set a Watchman' was the best thing that could have happened for those now angry parents with children named Atticus. There are no remarkable men. Hopefully, this will remind them that their sons are deeply flawed." We very nearly named Baby Graves "Finch" and honestly he is such a wonderful little ball of incredible depravity and true image-bearer goodness that he brings me often to my knees. We are these little anomaly wrapped enigmas and that's the truth of the Gospel. 

9. A box from the trash makes the perfect "dinosaur bus with a Coke advertisement on it".

10. I had a couple of days where I missed New York in the worst way and it finally hit me that missing our church up there is so incredibly wrapped up with the sadness I experience at moments. Like number one, I knew it, but not on this level. First of all, while there's a TON I miss, this is definitely the thing I miss most, hands down. Secondly, I realized how incredibly safe I felt in those spaces. As we navigate a lot of difficult stuff, I miss that so much. I miss just being able to UNLOAD my emotions on a clergyman because they were our friends. I miss hearing messages of such great, great hope. I miss just the overwhelming of peace and calm I got when I entered a worship service. I miss being surrounded by people that I felt understood doubt on a profound level (probably more than even what I can personally relate to). I also miss being surrounded by people that I felt understood faith and hope in such a real and transformative and inspiring way, people that really didn't feel much need to fret over my husband's salvation because they so strongly trusted in God's sovereignty and His goodness but who never, ever did anything to invalidate my fretting. As much as it hurts, I'm glad I've figured it out and can take steps (podcasted sermons, visits and conferences we'll attend in the future, online friendships, ect.) to make it hurt less. 

I'm sure glad for the growth and learning that has taken place this month! 

1 comment:

Mallory Pickering said...

Reading Rainbow comment= mean. And I'm notsure we'll ever agree on Graves's being or not being depraved.

However, I wanted to take a moment to say I admire you so much. Nothing phases you. You are SO flexible and open, like no one else I know. No dishwasher- no problem. No car- no problem. Needing to learn a new skill? Complete openness to tackling another thing. That's like...amazing to me. Just how motivated you are.