Thursday, October 8, 2015

31 Days of Wonder: Mourning Books and Absorbing Gifts with an Open Hand

A few days ago, Annie told me "Sometimes, I want to save some of my Sea Creatures book for later, but then I just get too excited". I asked her if she'd be very sad when it was over and she said "Nope, I can just read it again and again all over again, because I own this book".

I'm not wishing it on her by any stretch, but I remember the first time I truly cried at a book's completion. I know the gift that reading it again and again would be, but I also knew I'd never experience it exactly the same way and I mourned the loss. I've of course had similar feelings over the years with movies, television shows, even stages of relationships.

In one way, I think when we truly appreciate the wonder in something, this feeling is inevitable. We start to miss it even before it's taken from us.

At the same time, I think there's a way to absorb it with "an open hand".
It's one of the hardest things for me in life, and especially in mothering, but I think I'm learning. It's frightening to me, but it's such a much better way to life and it brings a lot of peace, I think. And this life? Like Jesus, I don't want to count it a thing to be grasped at.

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