Wednesday, January 20, 2016

Another Sister or Another Brother?

Sugar and spice (and five more years of bubbles and probably ten more of smocking) and...

I have to be honest. I wanted to share our celebratory news unblemished by any negativity and we ARE over the moon. But today wasn't an easy one. Graves had a really hard time and got so sad when he found out- I think partly because he truly wanted a brother badly but I think partly because he just very much expected this to be a boy. I KNOW he will love "his baby" regardless because his love for his big sister is one of the deepest loves I've witnessed in my life.

That said, I got teary in the car myself, just so sad over his disappointment. I've gone back and forth over which I wanted but lately I was really hoping for another girl for some reason (probably mostly shallow ones) but really thought it was a boy. I was/am so excited, but it's a little bittersweet with Graves's reaction. Aside: I am SO grateful we had the wisdom not to do this to him in the delivery room.

 I'm pretty sure my reaction is mostly just hormones and exhaustion. I say this partly because I've since cried twice more over jeans that seemed to fit this morning but were mortifyingly saggy this afternoon when I looked in the mirror and also a dish that *almost* got broken. I worked at MDO, we went to lunch (Peyton took the kids swimming before so it started out so rushed), and then I didn't get back for my 2:30 appointment until well after 4:30. The kids were amazingly patient, but that was tiring with them in tow. We came home and I needed to cut Peyton's hair before a pharmacy association meeting he was rushing off to and Annie was sobbing over multiple things. I barely had time to talk to my family and closest friends and Graves's disappointment kept resurfacing. I'm mostly struggling, I think, because I just don't do well without margins and breathing room and today those were few and far between. 

Peyton is very excited about another girl. More excited I think that the appointment finally happened and ended and he made it in time for his free steak dinner at Shapley's. More excited still, I think, to be so close to marking the halfway point of what has been one of the most trying experiences of my life (maybe even moreso than Brooklyn- I say that because I haven't been through a ton, but that was a HUGE thing so I think this pregnancy trumping it warrants a little ‪#‎hatdishardyo‬).

 Between her own exhausted, out preformed herself with good manners at the doctor's meltdowns over television shows and mittens Annie realized she didn't even really want baby kittens because "the momma cat might get sick" (she told us previously she was only having kittens, no human babies when she grows up) and subsequently has been talking about the parrot she will have as an adult women in lieu of children while going back and forth between telling us that maybe we can adopt a boy sometime down the road because she "just wants us to be happy" and reminding us that our sadness is perfectly okay.

This day, these reactions, those emotions are not necessarily the ones I'd choose. But I'd choose these people, and our sweet new girl, over and over again. I'm so grateful we'll get to share our crazy with her. 
And that my sister in law is such an excellent gift giver and knows that the way to my heart is through hot chocolate. And for space to breathe.

1 comment:

Amy said...

i'm so excited for you, SD and your family! and honestly, today will be a small blip on graves's radar (if at all) - because you know that she will be loved immensely as soon as he lays eyes on her!