Wednesday, March 9, 2016

Babykins #3: Reflections and Comparisons at Twenty Five Weeks

 I think I mentioned it but I decided to do these at the five week intervals instead of every month. Who am I kidding? I got behind and it decided itself. Anyway, I took these pictures at twenty five weeks and I thought I'd try to get the post finished before I do my twenty seven week highlights post tomorrow. Haha! I've mostly been putting it off because I was procrastinating uploading and editing the pictures. But I finally did it. Lots of comparisons this time around!

Also, I thought these would be really picture heavy posts, but I so enjoyed writing out a little more than just what I include in my weekly updates, so I'm doing that again. But pictures, first...

First, twenty five weeks with Graves and twenty five weeks with Babykis #3:

I got brave and decided to take and share some pictures with the belly exposed. I only took one set last time, towards the very end, so any time I do this I guess I'll be comparing them to those. That's partly why I did it, actually. I really thought I looked almost exactly the same as I did at thirty eight weeks. Not quite, but it is pretty close! Anyway: 
And one more:
 And now some reflections...

- I had a hard couple of weeks physically, but this week has seemed to be a lot better. I was really grateful because we have a good bit going on. I actually thought a week or so ago, "Well, at least my bottom half is totally normal" (I was having some really bad headaches, I had started getting terrible heartburn, and my back was aching a good bit of the time). Literally right after I thought that, I woke up with a terrible leg cramp. I know this sounds so dramatic but my leg was sore for two days after it. Then several days after that, I started feeling some weird abdominal pressure. It was nothing and it wasn't even really painful, it just sort of concerned me. But Dr. Shiflett reassured me that it was fine.

- One thing I'm really struggling with is just knowing how hard to push myself. On the one hand, I'm definitely giving myself lots and lots of grace. On the other hand, we have to keep functioning and there are tons of things I want to be doing. I mainly had this thought the other day when I was feeling dizzy and I just felt like I needed to get some dishes done. Of course they could wait. Obviously. But things pile up and it gets so overwhelming and stressful. Peyton wasn't home and I was thinking "Is this worth the risk?" Well, no. Duh. But I've only actually fainted once and I can't press pause on my life every time I feel like that. I don't think I'd get anything done. Of course I've got to when I'm driving, but at home it feels different. I ended up laying down for ten minutes and drinking some water and then getting back to business as usual.

- Y'all, I have gained FOUR pounds less than what I had gained with Graves at thirty nine weeks. THIRTY NINE WEEKS. I was a little bit undone when I realized that. Part of it is being vain and worried about how I look but part of it is more than self-consciousness. I'm genuinely worried about how I will function as I get further along when I'm struggling to right now in so many ways. I get out of breath making the bed, my back hurts so bad, and I have terrible heartburn. I'm so scared of what I will feel like in three months.

- I didn't realize until recently how much Annie helps me with Graves sometimes. I was telling Peyton that several times in the last few weeks she's picked up on the fact that I was just sort of exhausted and has said something like "Come on Graves, I'll come read to you in our room". I'm SO interested to see how she interacts with this baby. It wouldn't surprise me at all if she waits until she's a bit older before really doing that kind of thing. I mean she's said explicitly she likes older children better. Which is fine. I know she'll be a great help with Graves and I hope she'll bond with our New Girl when she's three (the age Annie has consistently said she begins to like babies).

- The other other day she said that we needed to "play wild animals" (her favorite, of course) as much as we could now because we wouldn't have as much time once the baby got here. We reassured her we'd still have time to play with her. Bless her heart!

- I'm kind of debating maybe not having a doula. I need to get on it if I am but my sister in law told me yesterday how much the one she's using charges and it's literally twice as much as what we paid the one we used last time. I feel like we got an amazing deal with her- she had a full time job and I think she just did it because she loved it. And I talked to my neighbor Lauren and she had a natural birth without one and was really convincing that it wasn't that bad. Also, one thing I really appreciated with Carol Ann is how she was able to sort of be an advocate/adviser and take that pressure off me and Peyton. There really wasn't anything that was even a huge deal and NOBODY pressured me but like with breaking my water she was able to sort of advise me and I knew I could trust her and she'd tell me if it was a bad idea. My new doctor, Dr. Shiflett and her partners are so pro-natural that I don't know if that would even be a factor. I'm planning to look into a few options this week and try to make a decision about it by the end of the month or at least the first part of April.

So that's where we are. Hopefully my thirty week post will be less complainy and more introspective like the first one. I enjoyed writing it more and I'm sure it was more fun to read. But I know I'll be grateful to have the record down the road. 

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