Friday, November 18, 2016

Letter to (Five Month Old) Sarah Lamar

Dear Sarah Lamar,

We've had SO much fun with you this past month!  We did a lot of fun stuff around town- campaigning for Gary Johnson and swimming at the Y, for example. You also went with me and Papa to a wedding.

We also had a fun Halloween! Two parrots (you and Annie), two pirates (me and Bud), and our prisoner (Papa)! We love a theme and we love alliteration!  

I had my Mistletoe shifts and was gone for eight hours one day because I had something else that night. Over the course of the day you only drank four ounces of pumped milk. I'm almost one hundred percent confident that if I was working full time you'd  be one of those babies who hardly ate anything and then made up for it on the nights and weekends. And to be honest, you still nurse so frequently, I'd kinda hate to see what making up for missed feeding a would entail.

Graves recently told someone "I know about lots of things. Baby Sallie doesn't know about anything but eating and bottles and bras". To be fair, that is a lot of your day. But Annie said "Now, that's not true. She's learning about how her toys work!" And you certainly are. I can't believe you're already that big!

Additionally, we went on two trips. One was pretty short- just a couple of days to a neighboring state for a friend's momma's funeral. The other was a week long camping trip. You were so amazing on both!

Best camper ever! You were the best camper ever. One night you slept through the night (12 hrs!!) excepting one wake up for a dirty diaper and a midnight snack! In fact, you actually slept better in the parked van in her car seat than you do in your bed, which was something I was super nervous about. And you had so much fun hiking the Cumberland Gap!

 There were really only a couple of hard points. When we were visiting Mammoth Cave, you fussed really bad on the bus ride over and several old people glared at me- I don't know if they were upset thinking you were about to ruin their tour or because I tried to nurse you a little. One lady was super sweet and asked me if I'd like her to hold up the blanket I had. Anyway, Papa carried you on your tummy, straddling his arm (it's your absolute favorite when your tummy hurts) the whole forty five minutes and you actually fell asleep for a good bit of it.

The trip home was tough, too. Especially until you had your second dirty diaper of the day. Which is super unusual for you as you typically potty every two to three days, it's the source of ninety percent of your screaming, and we occasionally have to give you a suppository.

You're getting so big! We're on the third and final size of these super soft pink striped jams and it's gonna break my heart a little when you outgrow them. You remind me less of Baby Huggums these days and more of Cookie's old Bitty Baby.

I've been working on getting stuff together to consign. I also have some bags to donate and some stuff in a bin that is going to Mickey and Minnie's storage unit to wait in a climate controlled environment for (still down the road) Baby Reynaud and (very very hypothetical and also adopted) Babykins #4.
And just like that my house, for the first time in over seven years, will have no itty bitty baby clothes.
I'm not AS heartbroken as I expected to be.I finally came up with a good purge plan. I was having a hard time picking out what to save for Cookie down the road. I decided to just keep what I love and what I'd personally want to hang on to in the case we end up fostering/adopting- a very simple, paired down wardrobe with just my favorite pjs, play clothes, and dressy things. I'm focusing on living in the present and feeling happy hopeful about the future.

We also switched you to a convertible car seat this month. I don't usually boss Papa but when I do, I really put my foot down. He explained to me all the reasons he thought it was safe to use the big kids' old infant seat for youand I agreed, deciding we'd also switch you to the convertible earlier than them. Recently the bar started getting stuck and it just made me a nervous wreck about what else was wearing down and not functioning optimally. Even though I was sort of stressed about it being less convenient, I just had a terrible feeling so decided we needed to do it ASAP. I expected some pushback (mostly just because we both love to argue) but I told Papa he WOULD do it right away and he agreed even though he had told me he still thought it was safe. You had gotten so heavy in it and now you're at the age where I can carry you easily in my hip and I was surprised but it was actually MUCH easier getting into church the first time. I think it'll really only be a hassle when we're like at the doctor's office or P.E. or something since you can't sit up by herself yet. Oh well, guess I'll just have to snuggle you the whole time. Twist my arm ;)

You are so active. You kick your little feet ninety to nothing and the other day I put you in the actual crib (as opposed to the PnP) and you managed to get a leg and an arm stuck in two different sides in less than five minutes. I can't believe I hadn't really thought of it until now, but this week I've been reflecting in how wildly active you were before you were born. You're a busy little thing! You love any sort of stimulus and the more people around, the happier you are.  All this reminds me so much of your devoted big brother but I don't think I noticed it this early with him.

About your brother-- you tickle, stroke, and grab Graves's face back now. You two were made for one another! When you grab his face it's literally one of my favorite things in the world. He loves seeing you first thing in the morning and it's certainly good to wake up to the face of someone who loves you so deeply.

The other day you had been fussing since we got home from church, but once Graves started holding you you were as happy as a clam. You also let him dress you up in his clothes- Batman underwear, a Star Wars t-shirt, and some Gymboree turtle shorts. 

 I also don't think your siblings had separation anxiety this early but you've  started to cry every time I leave you in the church nursery (they say just for a few minutes). When I picked you up last week you had just woken up from your nap and were howling and the minute I grabbed you you stopped. They teased you about being a momma's girl. As Tequila, the sweet nursery worker says, you are very "connected". I don't hate it. Even with Mickey and Minnie, you lip will start to quiver sometimes if they take you from me.

 Speaking of church,
I am so grateful when we get home and I nurse you and you smell like a different Northside lady's perfume every week. A few weeks ago when I popped by to peak in on you, one of the volunteers had you in your sling and had the fan from the diaper bag on you. You're going to be rotten. They care for you with such joy.

I always say you cannot spoil a little baby. You can, of course, develop bad habits. I just don't consider them bad anymore. Anyway, if I did believe in spoiling babies, you reached a whole new level of rotten this month. I had a terrible headache one day and I really needed you to sleep on my terms (again, with the "bad habits" but typically you just sort of crash when you crash but honestly with our lifestyle and being the third I can't imagine trying to get you on a schedule). So....every nap you took that day you took holding my hand the entire time. As bad as I felt, it was still so easy and natural just to let her be an extension of me. Sallie, I know it won't last forever, but I love taking naps with you and holding hands the entire time. Different families and different mommas have different needs, but for me personally I feel like I finally got my priorities mostly right.
You're a papa's girl, too, though and you smile so big at him! The other night he was holding you and you got mad at him for looking at his phone and scratched his arm and then pulled his glasses off(!!!) so he'd pay you  some attention. 

You are such a funny baby in that I honestly thinks you like things like swimming at the Y, and going to weddings and funerals, and even driving two thousand miles over six days and car camping more than just relaxing at home. I feel like normal days sort of bore you./ Couldn't be more different than your momma. But Papa said he thought that couldn't be a more perfect disposition for a third child. 

Your smile is literally one of the best things in life. I often say you couldn't grin any bigger or you'd break your face.
I love every one of your expressions, but the near fracture your face smile is my favorite!

We love you, Little Sallie Sunshine   
Love, Momma (and Papa)

P.S. I'm really not sure of the size on this. Of course I wanted to put you  in this bubble for the comparison shot with AP but it's November so I put you in your tiny tennis shoes and a long sleeve onsie. This go round, I LOVE you  in things with a little undershirt. I'll probably be doing a lot of that this Spring! 

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