Tuesday, November 1, 2016

Postpartum Check In: Four Months Out

SD at Four Months Post Partum:

- The calendar months are flying by but surprisingly I've felt like her babyhood hasn't. I don't think it's the whole "days are long, years are short" phenomenon, either. I just feel like I've been able to be present in a way I wasn't with the other two. Which is not to say this time around hasn't had it's own share of struggles (staying on top of my mental health has been, and sometimes still is, a hard fought battle). 

- Mickey said "I've never seen a baby who loves her momma so much" the other night when she refused to go to anyone else and I ate my supper with her in the sling. It made me happier than I have words for. And she is the perfect baby for that sort of relationship. I probably would have struggled more with the first two, but this time it rarely bothers me at all and it brings me unexplainable happiness that she loves me best of anyone. 

- In regards to this and I could expand on this (and probably will at some point), I've taken care of Sallie with so much less help from Peyton than any other baby I've had. I've never been one to ask him to get up at night (that seems pointless with a breast fed baby) but this goes beyond that. Of course, he's certainly doing his share with the big kids but he's probably changed her diaper less than twenty times and he's never bathed her. And I've loved (almost) every minute of it. It's been my great privilege to care for her. 

- This I'm sure I will say more about (in fact I already started a blog post) but last month I mentioned feeling a sense of closure after having a hard pregnancy and struggling post partum. But this month I've started to feel more peaceful about our family being complete for now. When we lived in Brooklyn, I loved having two little people that were under six. It was what I could manage and what I could enjoy. As much as I knew I wanted a third, two felt perfect for that moment. And as much as I feel like my heart needs at least four one day to fill full, three feels perfect for this moment.

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