Friday, December 16, 2016

Postpartum Check In: Six Months Out

SD at Six Months Post-Partum: 

- I can't believe it's been six months since I brought Sarah Lamar into the world. It was a frightening, chaotic experience and it wasn't what I would have chosen for my last time to give birth, but I count it among the great honors of my life. I've been thinking ALOT it actually and I really want to make writing a processing post on the blog a priority this month.
- This is the first one of these that's really hit me this abruptly. I've said it before, but months one through five went by at a shockingly perfect speed. I certainly didn't want time to move one bit faster but I also didn't feel like I could blink and her babyhood would be gone (which was largely the case with the other two, for whatever reason). But yeah, six months is a bit jarring and I'm sure when she turns one it will be even more so.
- Which brings me to this. I think, for me, even though it's a big "birthday month" it's less the actual month and more what it represents about the past and the future. I feel like right now SL is equidistant from that fresh for the world, wrinkled toed newborn stage and the babbling, teetering toddler stage. Which BLOWS MY MIND in every way.
- I feel surprisingly at peace with it, though. In fact, I love dreaming of her as that toddler next Summer. It's a lot of things, I'm sure- doing a lot of preparing myself mentally, having the perspective of over a decade of combined experience with Annie and Graves and the knowledge that brings that every age is an amazing age, and just being in a different mental place than I was with them. But I can't, and won't, discount the Lord's provision, as well.
- I keep waiting for the other shoe to drop, because I'm certain it will, but I also keep reminding myself I can't live that way and that, in that moment too, God will provide plenty well enough.

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