Thursday, February 16, 2017

Postpartum Check In: Eight Months Out


SD at Eight Months Postpartum:

- I'm admittedly a low energy individual, but I've started thinking more about how much mental energy I expend. It occurred to me when I was thinking about Annie and another relative that often creative and/or analytical types seem low energy but a lot is going on behind the scenes and you can see the output at the end of a project but it's not as obvious how much energy is used when it's not physical tasks. It's hard to quantify but it does help me feel validated. For example-- I think a lot about my kids' personalities and learning styles and it hugely effects how I parent and teach them but I don't expect that to drain me in any way. So when I'm exhausted , I shouldn't feel guilty. And I wouldn't if I had just mopped the floor and folded laundry. I'm going to give myself more credit for the work I do that's not visible.

- This has been a great month, but also a hard one. P worked a bunch extra, there was an ice storm that left me feeling frantic and isolated, and we've all been sick. This mom at a homeschool group we're a part of said that I "couldn't really call myself a homeschooling mom" because of his schedule. I'm on the other side of it willing to give her the benefit of the doubt and assume she was teasing, but it wounded me, being so tired already. I came up with about six retorts I wished I had said and then was glad I didn't. Gonna keep channeling Mrs. O and telling myself to "go high when they go low" which damn if going low is not a thing Republicans, Democrats, and playground moms all do.

- I've been thinking about steps I want to take- and think I can realistically commit to- to be more healthy and feel better about myself. I've thought a lot about that lately. Cookie and Minnie picked me out a fitted shirt this weekend and I felt SO uncomfortable in it. And P reminded me that even if I don't want to live to be a hundred and ten Annie will probably wait until she herself is close to menopause to have children, if she even has them, and I *might* want to meet "the grands" (I'm not sure he's ever goobed me out more than when he said "the grands" and our whole relationship is a history of him goobing me).

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