Saturday, July 8, 2017

If I Did Things Differently

I wrote this months ago, in an email to a close friend who I occasionally do writing prompts with. I had read a blog post about doing the opposite of what your normally do and I thought it would be an interesting exercise. Well, I never published it and I found it in my drafts this past week. 

If I did things differently than I normally would, I would:

- Not overthink every last thing. Just live in a moment and enjoy it for what it is.

- Not rush from task to task so much. Spend time just being. Commit to letting go off productivity as an idol.

- Stop comparing myself to other people and to a better version of myself and stop being so damn insecure.

- Let the baby cry more often. Not spend an hour, nursing her fifteen separate times, trying to get her to nap. Put my needs, and my older children's needs, and my husband's needs ahead of hers on occasion.

- Prioritize exercise over writing.

- Prioritize sex over housework.

That third one from the bottom has worked itself out. I'm glad I mothered Sallie the way I did as an infant- it's led me to a happy regretlessness where I don't question if I could have been more present during her babyhood. But I also know it wouldn't have been sustainable (or healthy!) for years and years and I'm also glad that it's naturally shifted as she's become more of an independent little person.

The final one should work itself out as Peyton took over a big load of chores when I took over Graves's schooling. In theory, it seems like it's a lot less likely to have school tasks competing with intimacy, but there will always be something and really there aren't many good excuses for that one.

The other four are probably thinks I should bounce around in my head a bit more and think about how to do them- the opposite of what I ordinarily do- for a day or a week or a month.

[Graves took these pictures on my phone the other day. They're blurry and I have no make up on, but I sort of love them. I feel like that's exactly my natural smile and I look very happy, doing what I was made to do, which at that moment was teaching him some math.]

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