Wednesday, September 20, 2017

Sunday Hymns and Herrington Babies: Bid My Anxious Fears Subside

When I tread the verge of Jordan,
bid my anxious fears subside.
Death of death, and hell's Destruction,
land me safe on Canaan's side. 

We had more hard discussions last week. Graves has been talking lately about potentially not seeing Peyton in Heaven and it's heartbreaking. I've told him that we can always have hope he'll believe again and that we can pray for exactly that. We try to be REALLY honest with them and expose them to a lot of different things and in the past I have told them that some of the people I love and respect a great deal think that Jesus' blood somehow covers everyone, even though that's not what I think.

This week, he brought it up again, and I told him that, honestly, once we're in heaven we won't be sad about ANYTHING and won't really miss the people who aren't there. And he said "but you'll be there?" and I said yes, but that wouldn't be the most important thing, we'd all mostly be focused on worshiping God not on each other. He started crying and asked if I wouldn't still take care of him. And I teared up and said that I don't know exactly what it's like but there's nothing I'd have to protect him from and even his feelings can't get hurt. He just cried and said he loved his family so much.

Annie was like "Graves, you probably won't die anytime soon and at that point you'll have probably detached from momma some anyway" and told him about living somewhere else when he grows up. (I did have to bite my lip so I wouldn't laugh at that point.) But then he got upset again and asked if he could put our next door neighbor's house that's for sale "on hold" so he could move into it when he grows up.

Then Annie basically said she thought heaven sounded kind of boring without her owls.

I wish I knew how to give them simple answers OCCASIONALLY. I wish I knew how to maintain their innocence and my integrity at the same time. I'm just so used to this "Where do babies come from?" launch into an elaborate scientific/psychological lesson parenting paradigm. If it's not obvious, I hemorrhage words and thoughts and feelings. We tell them EVERYTHING. 

And that's so hard with this.

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